San Diego ZOOdles

I didn't sketch much at the zoo- having too much fun being there with my future zoo keeper. The secretary bird was wild!-I never saw one before. The pandas had just had a baby which we couldn't see- but there was a little 4 year old girl panda - who the zoo keeper told us was frightened my some schmucky guest and now cowers in a corner. Uhg! Hate idiots!!- Poor little thing.

Koalas may just pass by the sea otter as my favorite wild animal - they all look like Ed Koch to me- like they're saying "How am I doin?"

Seeing an African elephant was emotional. We mostly get to see Asian elephants in zoos. The smaller eared- smaller elephants are more prevalent. But the majestic African male elephant - so endangered - well, I just loved it.

I've met so many people who are anti- zoo. I get it- but zoos like the San diego Zoo do wonderful things for conservation- education- breeding and saving species from extinction. Children learn to love animals at zoos - and like my own animal lover- grow to want to be the guardians of all living things. - Mags already scoped out UCSD - for zoology school!

SCBWI Summer 2009

This is an Epic Blog Post- just call me Homer - the one without the donuts (warning- there are no drawings - too tired)

Part 1 - Los Angeles

Past is Prologue

This past week was one of the best trips I have ever taken. From the conference to old Los Angeles haunts, to the 3 days in San Diego - going back to California was like some sort of reawakening. The sun shines so differently and the nights are magical. When I lived in my little garden apartment off of Santa Monica Blvd..., I loved to walk from courtyard to courtyard at night gazing up at the clear night thru the palms. -I could just weep with feeling filled up by that air. And the architecture! I missed the deco and the stick and the marquees. I remembered how it all felt like a fantasy and at any moment you would be pinched and poof! - you’d wake up in somewhere- like - I don’t know - Long Island...

I arrived Thursday afternoon and my husband and daughter and I did the nostalgia tour. Old apartment-check, old coffee shop- check- our old atm where we always overdrew funds- check! We went to it to get some cash - and my husband said he actually remembered the feeling -how going to the atm was like spinning the roulette wheel - ah to be 22 again. Our old tiki bar Kelbo’s tho- now a strip club, I hope they found new uses for all those coconuts....

It Takes a Village

The SCBWI LA Summer Conference in Los Angeles was completely different from the NYC one. The atmosphere was one of fun to be had and friends to be made. There was business - and networking but with smiles on faces and blue butts on the dance floor!

I’m sure what I write about will leave many wonderful speakers out- so -get your butt to the next one- it’s an amazing experience.

Thursday evening I met another illustrator Diandre Mae who like so many others, I know only online. We hit it off and I enjoyed meeting her roommate Heather Powers tremendously and hope to continue the friendship and support from now on. Also Amy and Lisa (colorado)In fact- most from Texas- I feel adopted by that State- having had a fun dinner with their region- Vicky, Millie and Tim - and that odd Italian waiter- fun night!

American Idol

Friday was Sherman Alexie day. That was the first keynote and really the whiz bang! of the day!! - I don’t read much YA - so focused on the books with art - but I am going home and running out to buy his book. His talk was a roller coaster of emotions - laughter to tears. My favorite line was about his thick government issued eyeglass frames worn on the reservation as a child - he hated them. Now that they are all the rage- he said you guys who wear them don’t look cool - you look poor. - Ha- guilty!(I wear them) I am going to start devouring YA- cause I’m always looking for a good book to read. I came away from the conference with a long list.
Top of that list The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian.

It takes a tough man to make a tender Chicken

Dan Santat and I were two ships in the night that never passed close enough. I saw him from across the room a few times- but decided sprinting up to him and gushing about the Replacements or his books was not the way to go- neither was shouting across the large hall- “HEY DAN! YOU THE MAN!” - so conference regret #1- no Dan Santat hello.


A man of Few Words

The day continued on David Wiesner gave a quietly brilliant talk about his books. The breakout was where he shined his glaring bright light...


If You Build it - they will come...

Friday night there was an Illustrators social. It was a brilliant concept. Everyone showed up armed with their portfolios. It’s how we introduce ourselves isn’t it? Here- this is my art- this is me. I would have liked less faculty involvement here- it cut down on the socializing too much. I was fried from sitting listening to people talk at me- I wanted to talk to other artists. It was a short social, we were encouraged to mentor or be a mentee based upon your experience at conferences. - It was a fine ice breaker. I would love it if they did this in NYC. Just let us loose at a designated time in a designated space- we can do the rest.


The dreams you dare to dream....

Saturday was portfolio day- really as an exhibiting illustrator you wake up thinking just that. Portfolio Day!

“Kadir Freakin’ Nelson”

That’s what it says in my notes. Kadir Freakin’ Nelson. I sat front row. As he spoke in his unassuming quietly cool way- images of his beautiful work flashed on the screen next to him. 3 feet away I thought- Norman Rockwell. I thought JC Leyendecker. I thought NC Freakin’ Wyeth - in the world of illustration - he will go down in the hallowed halls of the Society of Illustrators as one of the greats... . and I am 3 feet away. What a gift. And a Jersey boy- we have that in common- it’s the little things that make me happy. I picked up his Change has Come sketchbook and it’s glorious. I’ve often written here on the blog- I luv to see drawings more than any other art form- and his- well they are sigh inducing. I gave it to my daughter- she can have it forever to pass down to her kids to commemorate when Change came to America.

“Those Who Can Draw Can Draw Better....”

That was a quote from David Wiesner. Who is a great teacher. He has the desire to tell fellow illustrators- never settle. Never get comfortable- always strive to be better. Study life. Draw life- let it inform you even when you draw from your imagination. Learn perspective- take it seriously. Get it right- and you’ll make your imaginary worlds believable. - Amen.



If you can talk the talk - you can malk the Malk

Steven Malk - boy he’s young. I don’t mean that as a bad thing- but he’s young and knows so much. “savvy” I think is the word I’m looking for.My notes from this session are 4 pages long! I just signed with my agent and listening to him gave me a great deal of knowledge about their side of the industry. He was very cool and open to some particular questions. And he collects Garbage Pail kids- he should really go for Wacky Packs- much cooler- old school from my time - ya know- roller disco days.

Prepare to have your mind BLOWN

Dan - Yaccarino -helloooo? Dan Yacc-a- Rino! - 2 marshmellows - no more- no less - yuppa rino! - Now a Nelson will awe and a Weisner will inspire but a Yaccarino will take you on a trip- a journey of imagination that Willy Wonka and his freak out boat can’t hold a candle to. Robots and Weenie dogs and Jaques Cousteau! - much the same childhood as I - HR Puff and Stuff and Quisp cereal boxes... all go into that osterizer brain of his and pour out into the most imaginative stuff. I’m gonna count the days until the lawn ornament book! Can’t grow up in Jersey without being surrounded by jockeys , gnomes, deer and flamingos and madonnas- any blessed mothers in your book? Prob not- but I’ll imagine her into it. Books to TV to packaging and now movies- what more can this man conquer armed with his power of YES!?!?

Paint it Black

She was brief- but she illuminated fantasy books in a way- that made me want to read them more. She was lovely, she was crazy intelligent. When I told my 9 year old Spiderwick fan girl she was there - she fell back on the bed in feigned collapse. I’ve seen the power of fantasy books watching Maggie devour them. Holly Black is conference regret #2- didn’t get to have a Spiderwick book signed for Mags.


Tell me something I don’t know

He did. Jim Averbeck taught this old dog new tricks. I learned so much from this session and I think his session moved me most to get back to my stories and make them better.




All out on the Table

Portfolio drop off feels very much like dropping your kid off on the first day of kindergarten. You wave goodbye- with worries and hopes that it'll be liked and when you pick it up- they all had a good time, got along and want a snack. Then you as the parent go home and have a stiff drink.

This is it. This is what WE came for. All else is gravy at the conference - but this- this is the coliseum and we are the gladiators and it’s all about us for these few hours.

The room was packed !! It was line after line and shoulder to shoulder as we slowly made the rounds thru the alphabetical rows. I quickly decided gazing over and thru people’s elbows was the way to go. I had to add postcards and business cards twice- estimating about 200 of each went out. My little photo album was heavily handled and came unglued - D’Uh-O! But- my standing there pressing it together gave me the opportunity to get a lot of good feedback. Nerves aside - I enjoyed hearing that people liked it.

They knocked my socks off.

Israel Sanchez, Frank M. Hansen, Yoko Tanaka. My top 3. Yoko - well she’s tuned into a completely different frequency than I - ethereal charming weirdness. But these boys - oh boy. They can cartoon. It’s my world and they’ve kicked my ass. And I’m happy about that. I felt thrilled by their work- it’s wonderful to see cartooning done so well. And I want it to break thru the children’s book barriers - and this is the way to do it. So I raise my game and I get back to work. Until next year gentlemen.....

Blue Moon - You saw me standing alone

I had to get dressed so fast. I had a Mad Men-ish ensemble. Vintage dress with crazy full skirt- blue crinoline- exposed at left leg by a big rhinestone moon brooch. Gloves, clutch - kitten heels- I do clean up nicely. Up in my room- a message from Tina Nichols Coury- a fellow McVeigh Agency family member. Thank Mark! - I can meet some of the others - I went up anticipating her outfit having read her blog about last year. Her door opened to fun. Inside a room full of people blinking with blue lights. As soon as I introduced myself- I was blinkied. My blue crinoline alight , my left leg was lit up like the runway of LAX. - hmmmm-eeee - yup.
She was Mother Goose and she had 2 goslings. Feathers flew as she sashayed down the hall to the elevator- the party had started! I met another one of La Familia McVeigh- Heather L. Hansen. Such a nice person- and soon to be published author.

Down on the grass - my heels sinking into ground - flats next time... and no gloves. It’s hard to eat soft tacos with gloves on... the music played.. it was loud. Had to partake of the blue drink to loosen up and dance. Who was the cute Austin Powers guy?? -Oh My, it’s Jay Asher - the hair was throwing me- once I realized- I stopped checking him out and remembered I’m a married old lady - he’s married and oh yeah- he’s Jay Asher.
We boogied down and saw some sights!! I did sneak a squeeze to some guy’s blue moon on a dare! - A derriere dare.... It ended too soon - and mingling was not as easy as I hoped but it was a good time and much fun was had by all.
I went to sleep and had lots of nutty dreams about the Blue Man Group and Max the King of the Wild Things and Mary Poppins showed up and had a cage match with Mother Goose until some freaky octo-alien vaporized them all. - don’t drink the blue kool aid.

Some will win- some will lose

I was BEAT! Really dragged. Needed air- sun - water. The winners were announced at the luncheon. Yoko - Frank you’re both winners in my book. But Israel Sanchez! Hurray! - I bet on him to show and he took it all! He’s off to NYC and to great things!

I took a break and- missed Richard Peck- yes I know : already conference regret # 3.


Who are you again?

Dinner with the family. They had been seeing the sights for 3 days -
I needed to catch up. Universal- was fun, Hollywood - Emma Watson’s handprints and Maggie’s hands- same size she is very thrilled. And Paradise Cove in Malibu for a beach day. So much fun they were having. We had dinner in Westwood- we’re we used to hang when we lived in L.A.. It’s a lovely little area with the prettiest movie facade. I was so happy to walk those sidewalks again. My feet felt the familiar path and memories rushed back. Altho- the kid dropped her ice cream and desperately needed a toilet- so reality check!

Monday - we’re off to San Diego- but Husband gives a La Brea Tar Pits visit reprieve- so I got half a day of the conference. It was his birthday and I wanted to end his 4 days as a single parent before his head exploded. Susan Sherman was wonderful in her morning breakout.



Take it Away

What are my take aways from this conference?

1. Get better -just go home and work on it. Cause there is work to be done and it’s good to strive. Faced with a Nelson, a Wiesner and a Yaccarino what else is there to do?
2. Steven Malk- said you can not dibble dabble in this career! You have to dive in - you can not dip your toe. I’m in the deep end - now I must swim gracefully for my life.
3. The people who work tirelessly to put these conferences on are just like us. Still working , still striving, some published, some not. To their own hopes and dreams they add the hundreds of ours- and I am very Thankful to you all.
4. Making personal connections can be more powerful than professional ones. We all want the magic moment with an editor - but the friendships sparked that will be fanned as the year goes on will burn long and strong. We need fellow artists and writers to support and to inspire - compete- and spur each other on. We need the laughs along the way and the pats on the back. And that is the best take away from SCBWI.

Part 2 - San Diego after I sleep!

Goin to California or Goin back to Cali or California Dreamin'..

Off to Los Angeles! Very exciting to go back! I went out in 1992 a week after college graduation. My time living there was nowhere near long enough BUT I look back at it fondly. I am nostalgic for the adventure of living by the seat of the pants- not knowing how to pay the rent or when the next earthquake would toss us out of our discount water bed.
I was the stupidest kid. Way too immature to grasp the enormous opportunities I had right there in front of me. I was shy, lacked some serious confidence in my abilities. I was afraid of my own shadow.

What a difference 16 years makes. GO WEST YOUNG- no- kinda young with some grey hairs..and a 9 yr old..... WOMAN!!!

- SCBWI Summer Conference here I come. I love L.A. !!! - thnx to Mr. Newman

Roll down the window put down the top
Crank up the Beach Boys baby
Don't let the music stop
We're gonna ride it till we just can't ride it no more

Century Boulevard (We love it)
Victory Boulevard (We love it)
Santa Monica Boulevard (We love it)
Sixth Street (We love it, we love it)!!

From the South Bay to the Valley
From the West Side to the East Side
Everybody's very happy
'Cause the sun is shining all the time
Looks like another perfect day

I love L.A. (We love it)
I love L.A. (We love it)

If "Tango"

The Owl and the Pussycat
sailed their boat
to the shores of Argentina,
Now on music together they float-
no one dances a Tango, mean-A!


(rhyming, not my strong suit)

Paper Kites

My daughter likes to make paper kites. There has to be 30 of them around the house- as I cleaned my studio this week I found 15 more. They don't fly. She makes them really colorful with several layers of construction paper, glued on beads, colorful ribbons, etc. Then- she ties a long strand of kitchen twine to it and adds a tail. The tail has to be "special". Using a satin ribbon- I purchased to adorn her curly blond hair - she ties toys to the tail.

With full confidence in her aeronautic engineering, she takes the kite outside and runs, full speed - to make the kite fly. She has done this for an hour at a time only giving up- declaring that "It's just not windy enough."

I couldn't bring myself to throw out these kites. I have become all too aware that my time left with things like paper kites is very precious and winding down. She's 9 and 1/2. She's at the age when skepticism is waiting around the corner- magic is packing it's bags. She's still very much a believer in all things tooth fairy and Santa Claus- but I know- I don't have long.

One of these days, she will make a paper kite, deciding to leave off all of the beads and glue. She will think critically of the speed at which she will have to run and the direction the wind is blowing. She will untie the objects of her childhood- that are weighing it all down.

And the kite will take flight.

And so will she.

July Book Reviews and other things that make summer great..

How does one celebrate a step in the right direction towards getting a children's book published? - Go shopping at the bookstore !! There's a whole new summer crop of PB's out there just waiting to be picked- and I picked the ones I found most juicy!



"Let's do nothing!"- by Tony Fucile - Candlewick Press
Mr. Fucile- how I luv thee. He's responsible for much of the design of my favorite Pixar movie- "The Incredibles". I have long admired his way with a pencil- his "je ne sais quoi" -with the curve and the line and the way he can completely capture KIDS.
Watch the Incredibles -ignore everything but Violet- Dash - Jack Jack and the babysitter(my favorite). Look at the Art of the Incredible books- and WOW! The drawings of the kids. The boy on the tricycle. Tony Fucile is a genius with character. It's no wonder he has entered the world of children's books with such a book.
"Lets do nothing" is simply about two kids - 2 characters Frankie and Sal sitting... trying to do nothing- and the inability to keep Frankie's imagination doing nothing. The simple gorgeous drawings allow those 2 personalities to shine. These 2 boys- are as real as my own little 9 yr old neighbor Frankie- who too- can't sit quietly for long. - I really- really hope we see more books from Tony Fucile. 'Cause I'm hooked.



"If I were a jungle animal" -Tom and Amanda Ellery - Simon & Schuster
2 books by animators?- Hmmmmmmm.... someone noticing a trend!? yes.....
This book has a great classic printing look. Flat- bold great color combinations inside of thick black scratchy line. Is it china marker? Black prismacolor? hm.mmm.. I wonder. It has a loose drawing style that is pitch perfect that can only come when a hand knows.. Yes the hand can know. I think hands have sense memory- how a pencil drags across a surface- an inked brush glides around a curve. Tom Ellery has a smart hand that communicates his wife Amanda's ability to think as a kid. It's an adorable book. Like Tony Fucile's it's real - authentically 100% all KID.



"Wave" by Suzy Lee -Chronicle books

Suzy Lee is not an animator- but she could be. Animators are just people who can breathe life into drawings- that she can do.
I saw these illos on the Society of Illustrator's call for entries for their children's book show this fall.- She was the reason I went shopping. When I cracked this baby open @ B&N - I put my whole stack down to sit- and go thru it over and over.

There are no words. You turn the pages and you hear this book. You hear the seagulls - you hear the ocean coming and going. You feel the little girls- joy and wonder. (remember what the beach was like when you didn't care about sand in your butt?- it was magical) The page of the aftermath of the crashing wave is my favorite- the pause - the anticipation- will she cry?- NO!- She finds a shell! - (I still think shells are magical- nature's jewelry) - This quiet book makes a lot of noise! The water is painted amazingly... blue white and black, 3 colors and you're at the beach. Incredible. Suzy Lee- magical.


Back to work. Hope Summer's shaping up for you to be hazy, lazy and crazy!

On the drawing board

What can I do before Aug. 5th? Before heading out to L.A. - the one thing I want in my portfolio is some sequential art. I had done these rough sketches as homework for the FL conference and want to turn it into something for the portfolio. -That and a new postcard/business card and I'm running around like a crazy woman again.

I'm excited to go back to L.A.! We left in the early 1990's with my husband (then shacking up guy) yelling out the window "We Shall return!!"" - and we shall for a long weekend.

For an Arty Farty Mom - an Art show with your kid?- Doesn't get better than that!

Come on down if you're in the area- Long Beach Public Library 10-12 this Saturday! I can't tell you how cool it is to have her art framed up on the wall right next to mine- and wow - hers looks good!

Maggie Light- 9 years old- "Hoary-throated Spinetail" -Endangered animal series - digital painting

Presto- Change-O!

Al -a-ka-ZAM! This past week I signed on to The McVeigh Agency and it does feel like strange magic.

Mark McVeigh is a literary Agent with over a decade of experience as an editor working for publishing power houses. He's now taken his passion for publishing into the world of representing the creative people. An author himself - he's seen all sides and wants to help those creative voices find their audiences.

For the past two years I've been focused on figuring out what kind of portfolio would click with someone in the publishing world - it finally took me doing artwork and telling stories that were just plain old fun for me -and - CLICK. I heard the click- I saw it- I witnessed it. Like magic. I'm not sure how it happened but I am excited and happy and wondering what's the next thing the magician has up his sleeve...

I'm the rabbit pulled out of the hat and Mark McVeigh will get to work his magic and Abracadabra- well, we'll all have to watch and wait and wonder... That's just part of the fun....

Mark McVeigh
The McVeigh Agency

(it's official- my bio's up!)

Get Thee to a Conference!

What a difference 2 days make - 24 little hours..... I am singing this a la Dinah Washington these days. The SCBWI Florida summer conference was great. Just what I needed. After January and the conference experience you all know about... this trip was a quicker picker upper.

The Faculty - Janeen Mason. Sometimes you meet someone and you feel a jolt- and you know this person entered your life for a reason. Last year- I met her and knew. She's a person so passionate about what she does she exudes it- she's like walking talking art. She gave me a wonderful gift of big vine charcoal sticks- to get my self dirty and play with the art a bit, which is exactly what I need. When I do it soon- I'll post the pictures here. Before I left I needed to tell her- she should know how she touches people's lives- and I meant it. She's like a fairy godmother of art - turning pumpkins into portfolios.

The Guests -Jarrett Krosoczka - Mac McCool - Mark McVeigh


Jarrett - Wow. Watching him paint a pig from Punk Farm- was amazing. His influences are almost the same as mine- but he had a lot of fine art training. Somewhere along the way in his brain, - John Singer Sargent met Charles Schulz- and fireworks went off. Brush strokes and paint smears where pencil and ink line used to define cartoon characters- it wowed me. His new series is a traditional yet uniquely him spin on comic books with his MG graphic novel series "Lunch Lady". I really like how budget limitations- begat color limitations- begat a cool look. Black/lunch glove yellow and white- with subtle gradations- of those colors. Gives it it's signature. - everyday is made better with tater tots. My daughter can't wait for these books - (me either) I gave her my post card. On top of his artistic gifts- he's got some real words of wisdom. Believe in yourself. It WILL happen.

Mac - huge surprise for me. HUGE. I told him he had me at "Terry and the Pirates" - he referenced the old paper comic strip and I felt a zing!- Oh My gosh!- I luv Terry and the Pirates- and Steve Canyon - and Wil Eisner- and comic books and anything drawn in frames... printed in a comic book... colored with little dots...

He gave a graphic novel workshop that 7 people attended. Every single person at the conference would have learned tons from him. Pacing- composition- economy of words - setting- mood- point of view....really- everyone involved in literature needs to get thee to the comic book store!!! It's all there- boiled down between soft covers- printed on newsprint - some of the best storytelling and art married together. Any way- I can't say all that I learned- but I did learn a lot. And anyone within a few states of CA should take his class at Cal State. I want to. Watch for him at local SCBWI conferences- he's like finding treasure.

Coming from him - I think I got the best compliment I've ever gotten "You can draw like mad." - I think I'll post that on my wall.


Mark- is a literary agent out of NYC. Formerly an editor @ Simon and Schuster - Scholastic - Harper Collins and Golden Books. Wow- that alone is muy muy impressive. Now he has started an agency to champion creative people and I think on a mission to elevate graphic novels. - cool huh? He had so much business information- and could communicate it to us in a direct - honest yet fair way. I'm thrilled to meet someone so experienced in publishing that cares about the art but will tell you if it will sell or not frankly and not harshly.

Plus- I got to see great friends - old ones and new ones. Some of the people who attended the conference have become friends also. I think the smaller conferences are where I feel more comfortable- but LA here I come.

Magical moments happened for me at this conference. Wonderful things were said about my work. Let me say to you guys out there - just when you're ready to throw in the towel- pick up the pencil. Just keep drawing. What I showed this weekend was mostly done in the last 3 months. It was also work I did for my own enjoyment. I remembered I love to make art- to make art. I like to tell myself stories- when I draw- and they make me laugh and that enjoyment comes out in the art. Take a deep breath and -draw.

Unfinished business

Off to another conference. I chose to go back to Florida this week. It's a great friendly-creative-workshop atmosphere lead by illustrator Janeen Mason. This year's guest is none other than Jarret Krosoczka of Punk farm and now Lunch Lady fame. I am so happy to spend time with Janeen again- she's an inspiration as an artist and a person. And Jarret himself told me "buck up little camper!" after the NYC conference and blog post of doom here. So meeting him will be a fun experience as well.

Recently - my daughter was in a horse show- she's nine. My biggest fear is that she will be thrown and get hurt. Right before she's about to ride- another girl, 7 years old (a tiny thing) gets thrown head first off of the horse. I think I screamed something like "HOLYCRAPJEEZAOHNO!"
She was ok- tho crying. The trainers scooped her up and put her right back on that horse- and I felt- like give the kid a break! Get her her Mommy! Get her some ice cream!- but the trainers said- You have to get right back on or you may never get on a horse again. - She rode on and finished the show. I've thought about that alot. I got thrown off for a while- but I gotta get back on the horse. I almost convinced myself to not get back on. But I am- I may not win a ribbon, but I'll finish the show.

So- finally finished this illo - got more to do before I leave thursday.

If "Adapt"

"What are you gonna get today Maxine?"
"I don't know Patty. The Hay wasn't fresh yesterday. Ask the waitor if it's fresh hay."
"I don't know why we come here- we should try a new place."
"I could go for chinese."
"I hate Chinese."
"You're so picky Maxine."
"Where's the waitor? He's not getting a good tip today, I tell you."
"Pick something already - you drive me crazy."

"Ok, ok. I'll get the hay.
"Hay- again."
"I like hay- what can I tell ya?"
"I'll get the hay too."
"Where's that waitor?"


At the Bronx Zoo- there are two female Asian elephants named Maxine and Patty. They have shared a habitat for 30+ years. You can see them as you ride the tram in the Asia section. I would visit them each day last summer and imagine their conversations as they threw their lunch of hay around. Two old NY broads stuck together - on each other's nerves but in need of each-other's company too. Adapting to their daily schedule and the monotony it brings.

May Book Reviews!

It's that time again - time for the "1/2 the month is gone already book review".

Got 2 GOOD - no not good- GREAT ones this month. Starting with an eagerly anticipated picture book by one of our house favorites. Yes restaurants have house dressing, house wine- we here in the Light house have house illustrators. And Peter Brown is the ranch dressing and perhaps the pinot noir on our menu. (he's a favorite but always tastes a little different depending on the main course) enough metaphors! On to the review:



"The Curious Garden" written and Illustrated by Peter Brown- pub by Little Brown and Co.

It is a story of how one person - a young boy- shows a little care to living things- plants in a city overcrowded and over polluted - and makes a difference. It blithely demonstrates the value of the enviroment to our well being and how the actions of one can have a chain reaction for the good of all. And the art - is stylish and juicy and makes me prop the book up on the front of my daughter's book shelf. - It's cover is in and of itself an awesome image. Can not wait for the next book. Altho- Flight of the Dodo is still my fave - flightless birds longing to know the joy of the mid air poo- can't beat that.


On to dessert - another book I was unaware of until it smacked me in the face with a frying pan of art. This is not a sticky sweet book- but a amazing feast for the eyes.



"You Never heard of Sandy Koufax?" written by John Winter and illustrated by Andre Carrilho. pub by Schwartz and Wade books

First- I'm not a baseball nut. So this book's art attracted a non sports lover. Second Sandy Koufax - is known only to me thru my friend Marc and his Dad's yearly argument over not working on jewish holidays. "Even Sandy Koufax wouldn't play on Rosh Hashanah!"

The art is what struck me first- I didn't read it for days, I just stared at the pages- the art is astonishing. Now- I hear all the time that my art is too animated- this is animated. I think I know animated since I've animated. This is animated. The cover has the motion effect on that plastic- I don't know what it's called. BUT essentially it's 3 key poses- animating Sandy Koufax pitching. The art is a combination of elegant line work/collage/photoshop and I think colored pencil/charcoal- it could be ps brushes- but it's like nothing I've ever seen. It's like the love child of Al Hirschfeld and Gerald Scarfe. I checked out the illustrators site- you should too. He's brought sophistication and elegance and cool to this book. - I'm a big fan now.

John Winter- I must say-when I started to read the book, you sucked me in. The book is written in the voice of a Brooklynite! A period- 1950's east coast voice will come out of the mouths of Iowans or Canadians, etc- when you read this out loud. You too can sound like Phil Rosuto! - Awesome job of adding personality when finding out about a personality. It's a great story of self discovery and learning to relax in to who you were meant to be. Kinda zen and the art of the knuckle ball.

So- I hope you busy yourselves and check these out as I busy myself on the continuing journey to get a book of mine out there. Now- I need to get some lunch, maybe a little Diterlizzi on the side...

Whew! What a weekend..

I am tired but happy. I had an art filled weekend and tomorrow more art to come. Friday night, I went to a an open house in Huntington Station, NY- to see some artists' workspaces/work. I met 3 of my fellow Artist Mothers -and we went for dinner after. Some of the art was really great and it's good for one art group to support another- especially here in Long Island where art groups are few and far between. An evening out with 3 of my favorite people - laughing- kvetching - and cocktails- good times.
Saturday I had a communion to go to- and had a lovely Italian meal - with the lovely family. - The food was so good- I'd call it art.
Sunday was a bimonthly CBIG meeting. It's a group I joined about a year ago. It's very informative- there's always an art director or editor brought in to speak and then we all put our names in a hat to see who's portfolio will be reviewed. Anahid Hamparian, AD at Marshall Cavendish was so gracious as to say- I'll just look at them all! So She was very insightful and gave out useful advice to each of us. AND she didn't say the word "Disney" when looking at my work or say it was "too" mass market or "too commercial" or "too animated". So - I like her.
Sunday night -I met up with Nancy and Laurel, 2 BNL "enthusiasts". Nancy is an animator who is on the board of ASIFA East - the animator's union. I was in ASIFA west when I was out in L.A. It was the annual animation Festival. It was GREAT to peek back into a world that I left behind so long ago. There was the woman I interned for in 1993. One of the films came out of the SVA program I did. - and I got to meet John Canemaker. So- Thanks to Nancy for saving me a seat. It was a fun night. Fave films: I did like Chicken Cowboy a lot- the talking NYC objects and Western Spaghetti. The grand prize winner made me cry- I was all verklempt. Bill Plympton had 2 films that won awards - he really is tuned into his own frequency- dude's crazy amazing.

Tuesday night I'm going to check out the Syracuse Illustration Senior Portfolio's. Info :
Tuesday May 5 & Wednesday May 6 at Lubin House,
11 East 61st Street in NYC from 10 AM- 8 PM Tuesday,
10-7 PM Wednesday,
Open to all Alumni and Professionals. Alumni event Tuesday, May 5th, 6-8 PM.

If any of you Illustrators will be around- check it out. SU - puts out some strong talent. I'm excited to see what the kid's are up to these days.- and already anticipating to seethe with jealousy..... at their chutzpah I wish I had at their age.

So - Art Art everywhere! S'good thing!

IF - Theatre

Mrs. Webster did not approve of Danny's flair for the dramatic.

Some kids know who they are at a young age. If they are lucky- they have parents or teachers who help them take wing and soar in the direction they want.- I did.


I did 6 other sketches today- ahhg! Finally did this one tonight that I like. was all over the place trying to dig out some teen age high school musical thing- like Oklahoma not the Disney Cheese high school musical. But came back to drawing inspiration from my life. April was poetry month for my daughter in 3rd grade so- i went with that... hopefully I will get to color it this week.

April Book Review(S)

Back for monthly book review - a new regular feature here @ the blog.
This month - not 1- not 2 - but 3 books!




First- staying in the children's book arena ; "Blueberry Girl" by Neil Gaiman; Illustrated by Charels Vess

The way I shop for books or even clothes for that matter... I wander, scanning the store... until something catches my eye. For me to pick it up it has to draw me in and grab me. One look at this cover- and I was grabbed. It harkens back to the great children's illustration of the turn of the 19th/20th Century. Art Nouveau loveliness.

Cracking open the book - reading the text, I realized it was written as a gift book for a new Mom. Usually- that would be enough to make me put it down, but the art kept me engaged. The text grew on me as it went along cause it's a little weird and very old fashioned. It's flowery and lush and reminded me of some of my favorite Buzza Motto's I have collected. I have since read and drunk in this book a dozen times. It's a timeless wonder. A cure for what ails children's books. IT"S GORGEOUS - and my eyes like gorgeous and I believe many other people like gorgeous too. Amongst the quirky or cookie cutter books on that big wall at B&N- it stands-classic.

And Now.....

Two of the most important books - I can't tell you loud enough - BUY THESE BOOKS!! - that means you illustrators, cartoonists and fine artists.....



"Drawn to Life" -20 Years of Disney master Classes by Walt Stanchfield Volume One AND Two
-edited by none other than Don Hahn

These books arrived in a brown Amazon box last week- I ripped that box to shreds to get at them. I have been carrying one or the other of them around like a teddy bear ever since. - Cradling the words of wisdom.. these books speak truths that my head and heart and hand knew already but needed to be reminded of. Life is the artists' school. Go out and draw it. It will inform whatever direction you take as an artist - painter, sculptor- cartoonist- drawer of aliens in comic books or teddy bears that brush their teeth. Draw life first- put that info into the old noggin and watch how your illustrations come alive.

The books are filled with life lessons too - I will quote from them as time passes. For now- here's one to chew on as you order these books, like, today:

"Those who never start- can not finish." -W. Stanchfield (Oh- cut to my procrastinating heart why don't cha?)

PS- I do realize my enthusiasm for these books will only lead to further drawing in an animated style. But following my heart - that's what I love, and publishing may or may not love back- but I will love what I do - and that is the raison d'etre, non?

PPSS- no new art at the moment- I'm actually writing -can you believe it?

Work In progress

Updated- working on background- common problem of mine. Character first- environment second- but, I'm getting better all the time!



I am having fun working on these. I have tried to loosen up A LOT - and I think it's paid off. Working with a critique or a conference or a meeting looming ahead can really bog one down. So- free to play- has paid off.

This is the 3rd in the "Legends of Love gone wrong" series. This is King Arthur.

(I decided to skip tristan and Isolde as the love triangle involved an old Uncle- yuck)

So King Arthur and the Tales of his glorious rise and glorious reign and equally glorious fall - He fell for Guinevere -laid his kingdom at her feet- offered her his heart to do with as she would. And she did- she stomped all over it and fell in love with Arthur's best friend- Lancelot. Poor Arthur so blind to it- right in front of his face. And the whole time Merlin knew. He could see the future and said nothing. He let poor Arthur's heart get broken. A spectacularly sad story - of the messiness of love.

(Merlin intentionally looks like a young Andy Rooney- wouldn't he be a good voice for an animated character?)

I will finish and post- needs some trees and flowers- romantic like stuff.

"Hark! What Brat in Yonder window breaks?"

So - a few years before their fateful meeting- Romeo strolls under a certain window and gazes up at an annoying - stupid - girl. If these two were like 13 in the real story- just three years earlier- they would have been seriously yucky to each other. As far as Romeo was concerned, Juliet had cooties .

I heard from no less than 5 people about how annoying these two literary characters are and how they'd just like to slap them. So- I drew them as the brats they were. They were pretty stupid. Ain't love grand?

If - Legendary

Heathcliff and Cathy- grew up to together on the Scottish moor. She enjoyed the chase a little too much- He lost his heart. Neither one could see the dark sky looming ahead.

I'm a dweeb for tragic romances. If there's a girl who loves a guy- but he never notices her- or- a guy who just can't get the girl to choose him over Mr. Wrong- I luv it. CS Lewis said the purist form of love is unrequited. -sigh.

Sad thing is Cathy dies - haunts poor Heathcliff with her "undying" love and drives the poor dude to kill himself. Then their spirits roam the moor for all eternity. It's 5 hanky stuff people! - Doesn't get better than that. I may take on Romeo and Juliet and Tristan and Isolde as kids too.

Happy St. Pat's

I may be as Irish as an O'Douls beer- but it's the 1 outta 5 ethnicities that showed up on my face. I've got the 60,000,000,000 freckles to prove it. Here's another dancer in time to celebrate the day we're all Irish. And let's all raise a glass that 2009 may be the year I finally get to Ireland! - the tartan - it's the one that belongs to my family from Tipperary.

Now where's my bottle of Jamesons' to toast the lot of ya that read this blog!?


'Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!'

Draw-ing on my childhood

There was a girl who liked to Roller Disco.
She'd roll around to beats that made her feet go.
Quite the rolla'; could Air chair -n- backwards skate;
Only Mom could get her to brake.
From dawn to dusk she'd shimmy down;
All the streets of Funky Town.

D'Uh-Oh! Ceasar's Salad!

We draped the model today- so I had fun with it.

IF- Intricate

I have not been doing as much with IF and my blog- so I just doodled this - maybe a series of dancers?

The topic is "Intricate"- so I thought of lace work- which made me think of Spanish lace -which made me look at mantillas which made think flamenco. It works for the movements of the dance as well.

Be it barenaked or not - it will be.

I've finally got a clear day to type out my thoughts on the cruise and the decision by Steven Page to leave BNL. With a week and a half passing- and my life's abundance of interesting events to deal with lately- I've mellowed into a place of calm anticipation of what may be- what may not.

I was not like this when I heard - I was pissed. I was not shocked- I was more -
" Dammit! I knew it!"

The Cruise:

First- I had a great time. I hung out with great friends and made some new ones. I enjoyed the new music and came away wanting to hear more from Sloan- the Weakerthans- Luke Doucet - Melissa McClellan - and maybe some Mountain Goats.

But I boarded that boat after almost canceling the cruise because of the loss of Guster and Steve's cocaine arrest. I felt my enthusiasm slide - but in the end- held on and got onboard.

After registration Leigh and I got on the escalator up to board.... the slow mechanical rise revealed a white suited - stingy brimmed - really slim -Steven Page. He was so white and with that mega watt smile- he was like a hipster Mr. Rourke "smiles everyone , Smiles!" He shook Leigh's hand and said 'Hey great to see you again " - and checked out the tee shirt I did for Leigh to wear. I stood about 10 feet away - and said nothing. - I get weirded out. I don't want to say something dumb - so I just don't say anything- I should have - oh well. - But I was struck at how different he looked. He's got a great face- really - no swooning here- I just like the way it's designed. I've always liked the straight against curves- it's a cartoonist thing... and now he was so straight. His nose - his eyes - his lips - were really standing out without the pudge. Good for him - just let me believe it's weight watchers - that's all I want to know about how he did it.

So - the ship was lovely - nicer than Carnival - lots of wood- which should be on every boat. I was now officially psyching up for this experience and needed it after the conference experience.

During the sail away show- I started to bounce- my version of concert dancing - and when Steve sang Duran Duran's Rio - I was in full Tigger mode. Really, I was 14 again. These are the moments that make me show up for BNL shows - when life disappears - and joy takes over - just joy - just music - just the moment exists - and song by song- moment by moment - I feel invigorated by their talents.

I'm gonna blow past some stuff- the food was fine - Sixthman did a good job this year - I only interacted with one BNL member -over pineapple- Kevin.

I went to all 3 BNL shows. Show 1 - was fun - I was bouncing- woo hoo-ing - as usual until-

it all went wrong.

In every BNL show there is a point when they sing "Pinch me"- - "I just made you say underwear.." - and panties fly- bras parachute down on the guys. Of-course the history of underwear being thrown at rock stars is well documented - but with BNL - it was so frickin funny. These guys are the cute geek boys next store- and the underwear being thrown by their geek next door fans- are size triple e cup bras and flamingo penis pants that wind up getting hung on a guitar end or worn over their clothes.

Tonight a single white panty floated from the 3rd row -from the one he loves, was picked up - sniffed - and declared "not fresh out of the package", by Steve. Silliness of wearing it under the glasses did nothing to undo it. You lost me at the panty sniffing.

How crazy right??? But in that panty moment I knew it would never be the same. For the band. For me as a fan. The rest of the cruise I was oogy and anxious about BNL. I lost that feeling in the other acts and the fun with friends- but was brought back to that undefinable feeling of - things have changed these past 3 years - and they're not gonna change back.

Show 2 - highlight was Fight the Power- haven't heard them do that in a decade. On fire- they were.
Boothby - funny british man.
Sean Cullen - my harmless crush - I crush him= and now crush his wife cause she can sing! - and to see him watch with such pride as his wife sang Led Zeppelin - I want them to adopt me.
The best musical moment on the cruise for me - Tyler singing "keep on rockin in the free world" - I could have hugged him.

Cozumel - was eh. We rented Jaime the death bug and drove around. I'm kinda sick of the Caribbean. I know- I'm jaded and spoiled - but it all looks the same.

Key West was cold!- but quaint and lovely- I want to go back.

Show 3 - was good. By this show- I was sad to watch them. I heard the music but didn't feel it. Call and Answer made so many cry- dedicated to the message-board fan who tragically died in a fire right before the cruise. I was unaware this would be the last song of BNL as I have known it. But it was a kind gesture for them to dedicate it and I hope it helped the friends of Skates.

I did not see the Vanity Projects show. I saw it on you tube after the fact.

I got off the boat and life hit me between the eyes- and being a Mom takes precedence over message-boards and muck raking. When I would poke in to post - and read- I didn't feel comfortable with some of the nastiness - but I did get the feeling many people noticed the weirdness.

Sitting under a palm tree 20 days later trying to get internet access I read the news that BNL mutually decided to part ways with Steven Page. Like I said- I was mad. Now I know -it was at the loss of my coping mechanism. Those moments of song - joy - are gone. I know, I know - the whole 4 guys will go on - Steve will make music - there just a band after all.. but string together those 20 years of moments and it's something to miss. and so I will miss it.

I'm no one to criticize a person's pursuit of artist fulfillment. I'm all for it. Who am I to judge love? Love can build great things - love can destroy. Love can cloud your judgment or make you see clearer than ever before. Love is the reason to be. So be.

I hope Steve finds what it is he's looking for. I hope when you do it was worth it all - the complete deconstructing of your world. I'm trying to hold on as a fan - the voice is still there- and the glasses- don't get lasik- PLEASE! - no more panty sniffing on stage - it would be my luck to decide to come see a show and that would happen.

I hope Ed. Jim, Kevin and Tyler go on to great things - they have the talent and the heart to do so.

I decided to draw them - "All went wrong" - I think is the title of the song- they sang a duet. It's like a twisted white panty valentine.

done for the show - will revisit

The show hangs tomorrow. It's at a gallery in Freeport- N.Y.. The opening is Friday Night.

I will do more of these in the future- the regency period- the 40-'s and 50's - maybe up thru the 60's .

one more to go... before framing

The show hangs tuesday - gotta print and frame tomorrow- but still have 1930 to go. I wanted a jazz baby/Josephine baker-ish lovely.

These are so silly- but I'm having fun doing them. I'm gonna put them up on Imagekind soon.

I plan on getting to the elephant in the room soon - the one that was on the cruise and left the band... after the art's hung - I'll hang with that crazy mishagosh.

Art Show next month

I have an art show next month. I think I'll do a few of these for it. The show is with an Art group I belong to "The Artists Mothers' Group" in Long Beach, NY. We are a diverse band of women who were once full time artists who now have 2 passions - our art and our kids. This is the tie that binds us together as we support each other in our pursuits. Sometimes it's life drawing - sometimes it's just coffee - sometimes it's a phone call - this time it's a show!

Book Review

My first book review. "Varmints" by Helen Ward - Illustrated by Marc Craste

Wow.

It's "Guess How much I Love" you meets "Blade Runner".

I may be a little late- as this book came out last year- but it's new to me. I love it. In recent years I have had the feeling of being whacked in the face with a frying pan of great art once before; when my daughter and I discovered Tony DiTerlizzi. Now- I've been whacked again - by Marc Craste. (animator)
The story- simple- pure- straight forward -but deep- tho not heavy handed. Save the environment. This generation is tuned in to that message very much.
The book designer deserves a lot of the credit- this book is gorg-e-ous. It has vellum! The publishers had such faith in it's uniqueness- they went all out. I love that it's soft cover- I love that it's one tiny fraction away from a comic book/graphic novel. When my 9 year old daughter saw it on the kitchen counter fresh out of the amazon envelope - her reaction was "That is -cooooool." See- 9 year olds like picture books- they are still young enough to thirst for the visual - I can't see a small child drawn to this as much. She was. She already asked if she could have it. I lose all my good books to her -we have to share.
This art is beautiful- rich- lush-saturated. Cinematic - "animated" - complicated -absolutely sings " make me move". And they did! Marc Craste made a 24 minute movie. Like the Eddie Money song goes;
"I think I'm in love."

See animated trailer HERE.

Book info HERE.

Time

So - drawing for fun - IF "Time " - The turn of the 19th - 20th Century. A time of great clothes. Also a time of transition for women. From coquette to suffragette - to vamp. There was still along way to go - but they did it with style.

These are all based on sketches from an old sketchbook. I had gone to the nassau county museum of art for a vintage clothing exhibit. Some are inspired by paintings- others were mannequins with the actual vintage garments on. This stuff thrills me. I was born way too late.

A big thanks..

I'm really touched that each one of you have taken the time to leave your thoughts here. I'm contemplating it all.

Anonymous #1 - I hear ya, but I also hear to do what you love- do what comes naturally- don't force a style. I love to draw. Collage would be forced. I love Eric Carle- I grew up on him and Brown Bear - was one of the first books I bought to raise my daughter on. I'm officially educating myself on Tomie dePaola- as he seems inescapable. If I do simplify- it will still be with a pencil.
Thanks Alicia,Jill,Sam(using my own words against me! - way to get me all teary) Aja, Sherry,Cyn,Becky and Jennifer- you all gave me such wonderful support.
Anonymous #2 - you do bottle that confidence and sell it, right?? Can I get it online?

Lewis -I should have drawn a picture of me flipping them the bird.

Gina- @ such an exciting/ tiring time- really- thanks for writing. I take what you say to heart - I'll keep scribbling along.

I don't know what the next step is- but I won't stand still for long. Gotta go with the flow of life or it'll run right over you.

Cruises and Critiques and the Crises that Follow....

Riding a roller coaster of emotions leads to that flip floppy feeling in the stomach - and the head.

The build up to the NY SCBWI Winter Conference was weeks- wait months of work - thinking, drawing, painting, printing, planning, hoping - visualizing..... psyching up - self examination - editing ... you get the picture.

At some point I took all of the art out of the portfolio. I laid it all out and said - take only the best, you don't need the rest.
I had pushed myself to do better - taken all of the critiques to heart - listen to suggestions. Incorporated Art Directors and editors comments into what I thought was a portfolio that completely represented me - as I am as an artist. I may always be a work in progress, but this portfolio was the culmination of a 38 year journey to where I am today. And I was proud of it. I was confident I had reached a level of accomplishment to stand strongly amongst the hundreds of peers in NYC that weekend.

Then the ground gave way beneath my firmly planted feet and I have slipped down into a spiral - a rabbit hole of self doubt and confusion and Wonder so profound ... I'm left thinking - what the hell do I do now?

It was the Panel Review. I think 200 illustrators submitted 3 pieces each to be projected up on a big screen and anonymously shown in front of a room of about 300 SCBWI members. Not everyone was picked - what the criteria was for being picked was never revealed. But a little tiny voice in my brain said- "you'll be picked..." Stupid little voice didn't say why....

We were told to "Not take it personally" That this is how they talk behind closed doors when looking at artists' work. Art flashed up- nice work - some stronger than others - but the 3 person panel had some comments I agreed with and some I thought were ludicrous. For the most part they pointed out weakness AND strengths for everyone- save one...

Me. Here's the experience -

"Tearing out the Artist's Heart, Stomping on it - Passing it around to be spit on - and then Shoving it back in - But don't take it personally"

(imagine it in slow motion-cause that's how it felt)

Flash- My art- quickly 1-2-3-back to one. Silence (maybe the worst thing they didn't say)"There is absolutely no market for this kind of work" "Feels dated- saw that 5 years ago" "Not too Disney-ish well maybe too Disney- I've seen them before" The 3rd is the strongest of the three- but there's no place for this in Children's Publishing" "If you want to do licensing- call me." (when hell freezes over) "This person obviously has a background in animation (give that little man a kewpie doll) -"Or likes animation - you can tell by how they draw" -silence again. -next artist.

The 3 pieces were the Cajun restaurant - the Beavers on the log - and the Hippo "Blue Lagoon". They are here on the blog- you can pause and review - now.

- I immediately realized that as anonymous as I was at this moment- come the portfolio room- review; I would cease to be. Thus started my anxiety ridden remainder of the NY SCBWI Winter conference -hurray! I swear the guy sitting to my left - stopped talking to me instantly- I had the wreak of uncoolness about me.

So- I sat thru the rest of the review- numb. Went thru the motions of the rest of the day- watched Jarrett Krosoczka's great video- wiping tears that should have been from laughter -but were from a feeling of being further away from his experience than ever before. - I wanted to go home- but had to stay to get my portfolio- meaning I had stand by it - touch it - acknowledge it was mine.

Remember- this was the portfolio I was so proud of 8 hours earlier on the LIRR.

I went into the room- walked straight over to "it"- but there were 2 people turning the pages- murmuring "Yeah- this was - the one..'..I walked the hell away from "it"- not wanting to hear them finish the sentence. I toured the room. I looked thru other books - some great- some wonderful- some so-so. And thought that book of mine- sitting in that far away corner - was like me in the 5th grade - full of qualities and potential that the idiots at the cool lunch table didn't care to know. And so I went over and scooped it up- packed it in it's soft padded protective sleeve along with my severely wounded self- and went home.

I did not want to go back the next day- but did. I walked out of my first break out- it was for YA fiction - I was not into politely sitting thru anything. The whole day was like a disconnection from Children's Publishing= listening to editors and art directors hearing in my head "yadda yadda yadda..." And watching those other faces in the chairs- so eager- enthusiastic- hopeful... the ones that rush the speakers at the end... shoving their work in the speaker's face... dropping their cards and hearts on the floor at the feet of the powers to be. - And I went to the final talk - wanting to go home.

It was Jay Asher- never heard of him. An author of a big new YA book "Thirteen Reasons Why". His talk was how to get published in 12 years or less- and then he removed the less. I bawled. bawled the whole talk about his journey- rejections- small triumphs- that mislead him that his time had come... opportunities that passed - agents that teased - publishers that said maybe - but maybe not. Until he reached the point of giving it all up. Driven to the ground by publishing - he had decided to throw in the towel. His wife convinced him to give it one more try - and it happened. He got published. Pushed to the point of self doubt - confusion and wonder at what the hell does he do now?- he did it.

And I cried. All the way to JFK. Where- I got on a plane to cruise with BNL. Which will be another post.

SCBWI- I think you are a wonderful organization. Filled with wonderful people. But this time- it did harm. I tried to not take it personally - really I did. I say put yourself in my shoes- see how you do with that...

So - Where am I today?? Home- not knowing what to draw, how to draw - deciding if I want to be published so bad that I get an extreme Artistic Makeover or if I hold on tight to who I am and steady myself for years of rejection and the possibility of never finding the holy Grail. Is the Quest Enough? All of those platitudes I've used for myself and my daughter aren't working right now... Is it really the journey?Not the destination? When you hear the same comments over and over and you usually tell yourself- if they don't like- someone else will... but start to realize - more don't like it than do... Is ignoring the signs just reallly really dumb and blind and deaf and idiotic?

I've got some serious mishagosh. And a whole lot of thinking to do.