Get Thee to a Conference!

What a difference 2 days make - 24 little hours..... I am singing this a la Dinah Washington these days. The SCBWI Florida summer conference was great. Just what I needed. After January and the conference experience you all know about... this trip was a quicker picker upper.

The Faculty - Janeen Mason. Sometimes you meet someone and you feel a jolt- and you know this person entered your life for a reason. Last year- I met her and knew. She's a person so passionate about what she does she exudes it- she's like walking talking art. She gave me a wonderful gift of big vine charcoal sticks- to get my self dirty and play with the art a bit, which is exactly what I need. When I do it soon- I'll post the pictures here. Before I left I needed to tell her- she should know how she touches people's lives- and I meant it. She's like a fairy godmother of art - turning pumpkins into portfolios.

The Guests -Jarrett Krosoczka - Mac McCool - Mark McVeigh


Jarrett - Wow. Watching him paint a pig from Punk Farm- was amazing. His influences are almost the same as mine- but he had a lot of fine art training. Somewhere along the way in his brain, - John Singer Sargent met Charles Schulz- and fireworks went off. Brush strokes and paint smears where pencil and ink line used to define cartoon characters- it wowed me. His new series is a traditional yet uniquely him spin on comic books with his MG graphic novel series "Lunch Lady". I really like how budget limitations- begat color limitations- begat a cool look. Black/lunch glove yellow and white- with subtle gradations- of those colors. Gives it it's signature. - everyday is made better with tater tots. My daughter can't wait for these books - (me either) I gave her my post card. On top of his artistic gifts- he's got some real words of wisdom. Believe in yourself. It WILL happen.

Mac - huge surprise for me. HUGE. I told him he had me at "Terry and the Pirates" - he referenced the old paper comic strip and I felt a zing!- Oh My gosh!- I luv Terry and the Pirates- and Steve Canyon - and Wil Eisner- and comic books and anything drawn in frames... printed in a comic book... colored with little dots...

He gave a graphic novel workshop that 7 people attended. Every single person at the conference would have learned tons from him. Pacing- composition- economy of words - setting- mood- point of view....really- everyone involved in literature needs to get thee to the comic book store!!! It's all there- boiled down between soft covers- printed on newsprint - some of the best storytelling and art married together. Any way- I can't say all that I learned- but I did learn a lot. And anyone within a few states of CA should take his class at Cal State. I want to. Watch for him at local SCBWI conferences- he's like finding treasure.

Coming from him - I think I got the best compliment I've ever gotten "You can draw like mad." - I think I'll post that on my wall.


Mark- is a literary agent out of NYC. Formerly an editor @ Simon and Schuster - Scholastic - Harper Collins and Golden Books. Wow- that alone is muy muy impressive. Now he has started an agency to champion creative people and I think on a mission to elevate graphic novels. - cool huh? He had so much business information- and could communicate it to us in a direct - honest yet fair way. I'm thrilled to meet someone so experienced in publishing that cares about the art but will tell you if it will sell or not frankly and not harshly.

Plus- I got to see great friends - old ones and new ones. Some of the people who attended the conference have become friends also. I think the smaller conferences are where I feel more comfortable- but LA here I come.

Magical moments happened for me at this conference. Wonderful things were said about my work. Let me say to you guys out there - just when you're ready to throw in the towel- pick up the pencil. Just keep drawing. What I showed this weekend was mostly done in the last 3 months. It was also work I did for my own enjoyment. I remembered I love to make art- to make art. I like to tell myself stories- when I draw- and they make me laugh and that enjoyment comes out in the art. Take a deep breath and -draw.

Unfinished business

Off to another conference. I chose to go back to Florida this week. It's a great friendly-creative-workshop atmosphere lead by illustrator Janeen Mason. This year's guest is none other than Jarret Krosoczka of Punk farm and now Lunch Lady fame. I am so happy to spend time with Janeen again- she's an inspiration as an artist and a person. And Jarret himself told me "buck up little camper!" after the NYC conference and blog post of doom here. So meeting him will be a fun experience as well.

Recently - my daughter was in a horse show- she's nine. My biggest fear is that she will be thrown and get hurt. Right before she's about to ride- another girl, 7 years old (a tiny thing) gets thrown head first off of the horse. I think I screamed something like "HOLYCRAPJEEZAOHNO!"
She was ok- tho crying. The trainers scooped her up and put her right back on that horse- and I felt- like give the kid a break! Get her her Mommy! Get her some ice cream!- but the trainers said- You have to get right back on or you may never get on a horse again. - She rode on and finished the show. I've thought about that alot. I got thrown off for a while- but I gotta get back on the horse. I almost convinced myself to not get back on. But I am- I may not win a ribbon, but I'll finish the show.

So- finally finished this illo - got more to do before I leave thursday.

If "Adapt"

"What are you gonna get today Maxine?"
"I don't know Patty. The Hay wasn't fresh yesterday. Ask the waitor if it's fresh hay."
"I don't know why we come here- we should try a new place."
"I could go for chinese."
"I hate Chinese."
"You're so picky Maxine."
"Where's the waitor? He's not getting a good tip today, I tell you."
"Pick something already - you drive me crazy."

"Ok, ok. I'll get the hay.
"Hay- again."
"I like hay- what can I tell ya?"
"I'll get the hay too."
"Where's that waitor?"


At the Bronx Zoo- there are two female Asian elephants named Maxine and Patty. They have shared a habitat for 30+ years. You can see them as you ride the tram in the Asia section. I would visit them each day last summer and imagine their conversations as they threw their lunch of hay around. Two old NY broads stuck together - on each other's nerves but in need of each-other's company too. Adapting to their daily schedule and the monotony it brings.

May Book Reviews!

It's that time again - time for the "1/2 the month is gone already book review".

Got 2 GOOD - no not good- GREAT ones this month. Starting with an eagerly anticipated picture book by one of our house favorites. Yes restaurants have house dressing, house wine- we here in the Light house have house illustrators. And Peter Brown is the ranch dressing and perhaps the pinot noir on our menu. (he's a favorite but always tastes a little different depending on the main course) enough metaphors! On to the review:



"The Curious Garden" written and Illustrated by Peter Brown- pub by Little Brown and Co.

It is a story of how one person - a young boy- shows a little care to living things- plants in a city overcrowded and over polluted - and makes a difference. It blithely demonstrates the value of the enviroment to our well being and how the actions of one can have a chain reaction for the good of all. And the art - is stylish and juicy and makes me prop the book up on the front of my daughter's book shelf. - It's cover is in and of itself an awesome image. Can not wait for the next book. Altho- Flight of the Dodo is still my fave - flightless birds longing to know the joy of the mid air poo- can't beat that.


On to dessert - another book I was unaware of until it smacked me in the face with a frying pan of art. This is not a sticky sweet book- but a amazing feast for the eyes.



"You Never heard of Sandy Koufax?" written by John Winter and illustrated by Andre Carrilho. pub by Schwartz and Wade books

First- I'm not a baseball nut. So this book's art attracted a non sports lover. Second Sandy Koufax - is known only to me thru my friend Marc and his Dad's yearly argument over not working on jewish holidays. "Even Sandy Koufax wouldn't play on Rosh Hashanah!"

The art is what struck me first- I didn't read it for days, I just stared at the pages- the art is astonishing. Now- I hear all the time that my art is too animated- this is animated. I think I know animated since I've animated. This is animated. The cover has the motion effect on that plastic- I don't know what it's called. BUT essentially it's 3 key poses- animating Sandy Koufax pitching. The art is a combination of elegant line work/collage/photoshop and I think colored pencil/charcoal- it could be ps brushes- but it's like nothing I've ever seen. It's like the love child of Al Hirschfeld and Gerald Scarfe. I checked out the illustrators site- you should too. He's brought sophistication and elegance and cool to this book. - I'm a big fan now.

John Winter- I must say-when I started to read the book, you sucked me in. The book is written in the voice of a Brooklynite! A period- 1950's east coast voice will come out of the mouths of Iowans or Canadians, etc- when you read this out loud. You too can sound like Phil Rosuto! - Awesome job of adding personality when finding out about a personality. It's a great story of self discovery and learning to relax in to who you were meant to be. Kinda zen and the art of the knuckle ball.

So- I hope you busy yourselves and check these out as I busy myself on the continuing journey to get a book of mine out there. Now- I need to get some lunch, maybe a little Diterlizzi on the side...

Whew! What a weekend..

I am tired but happy. I had an art filled weekend and tomorrow more art to come. Friday night, I went to a an open house in Huntington Station, NY- to see some artists' workspaces/work. I met 3 of my fellow Artist Mothers -and we went for dinner after. Some of the art was really great and it's good for one art group to support another- especially here in Long Island where art groups are few and far between. An evening out with 3 of my favorite people - laughing- kvetching - and cocktails- good times.
Saturday I had a communion to go to- and had a lovely Italian meal - with the lovely family. - The food was so good- I'd call it art.
Sunday was a bimonthly CBIG meeting. It's a group I joined about a year ago. It's very informative- there's always an art director or editor brought in to speak and then we all put our names in a hat to see who's portfolio will be reviewed. Anahid Hamparian, AD at Marshall Cavendish was so gracious as to say- I'll just look at them all! So She was very insightful and gave out useful advice to each of us. AND she didn't say the word "Disney" when looking at my work or say it was "too" mass market or "too commercial" or "too animated". So - I like her.
Sunday night -I met up with Nancy and Laurel, 2 BNL "enthusiasts". Nancy is an animator who is on the board of ASIFA East - the animator's union. I was in ASIFA west when I was out in L.A. It was the annual animation Festival. It was GREAT to peek back into a world that I left behind so long ago. There was the woman I interned for in 1993. One of the films came out of the SVA program I did. - and I got to meet John Canemaker. So- Thanks to Nancy for saving me a seat. It was a fun night. Fave films: I did like Chicken Cowboy a lot- the talking NYC objects and Western Spaghetti. The grand prize winner made me cry- I was all verklempt. Bill Plympton had 2 films that won awards - he really is tuned into his own frequency- dude's crazy amazing.

Tuesday night I'm going to check out the Syracuse Illustration Senior Portfolio's. Info :
Tuesday May 5 & Wednesday May 6 at Lubin House,
11 East 61st Street in NYC from 10 AM- 8 PM Tuesday,
10-7 PM Wednesday,
Open to all Alumni and Professionals. Alumni event Tuesday, May 5th, 6-8 PM.

If any of you Illustrators will be around- check it out. SU - puts out some strong talent. I'm excited to see what the kid's are up to these days.- and already anticipating to seethe with jealousy..... at their chutzpah I wish I had at their age.

So - Art Art everywhere! S'good thing!

IF - Theatre

Mrs. Webster did not approve of Danny's flair for the dramatic.

Some kids know who they are at a young age. If they are lucky- they have parents or teachers who help them take wing and soar in the direction they want.- I did.


I did 6 other sketches today- ahhg! Finally did this one tonight that I like. was all over the place trying to dig out some teen age high school musical thing- like Oklahoma not the Disney Cheese high school musical. But came back to drawing inspiration from my life. April was poetry month for my daughter in 3rd grade so- i went with that... hopefully I will get to color it this week.

April Book Review(S)

Back for monthly book review - a new regular feature here @ the blog.
This month - not 1- not 2 - but 3 books!




First- staying in the children's book arena ; "Blueberry Girl" by Neil Gaiman; Illustrated by Charels Vess

The way I shop for books or even clothes for that matter... I wander, scanning the store... until something catches my eye. For me to pick it up it has to draw me in and grab me. One look at this cover- and I was grabbed. It harkens back to the great children's illustration of the turn of the 19th/20th Century. Art Nouveau loveliness.

Cracking open the book - reading the text, I realized it was written as a gift book for a new Mom. Usually- that would be enough to make me put it down, but the art kept me engaged. The text grew on me as it went along cause it's a little weird and very old fashioned. It's flowery and lush and reminded me of some of my favorite Buzza Motto's I have collected. I have since read and drunk in this book a dozen times. It's a timeless wonder. A cure for what ails children's books. IT"S GORGEOUS - and my eyes like gorgeous and I believe many other people like gorgeous too. Amongst the quirky or cookie cutter books on that big wall at B&N- it stands-classic.

And Now.....

Two of the most important books - I can't tell you loud enough - BUY THESE BOOKS!! - that means you illustrators, cartoonists and fine artists.....



"Drawn to Life" -20 Years of Disney master Classes by Walt Stanchfield Volume One AND Two
-edited by none other than Don Hahn

These books arrived in a brown Amazon box last week- I ripped that box to shreds to get at them. I have been carrying one or the other of them around like a teddy bear ever since. - Cradling the words of wisdom.. these books speak truths that my head and heart and hand knew already but needed to be reminded of. Life is the artists' school. Go out and draw it. It will inform whatever direction you take as an artist - painter, sculptor- cartoonist- drawer of aliens in comic books or teddy bears that brush their teeth. Draw life first- put that info into the old noggin and watch how your illustrations come alive.

The books are filled with life lessons too - I will quote from them as time passes. For now- here's one to chew on as you order these books, like, today:

"Those who never start- can not finish." -W. Stanchfield (Oh- cut to my procrastinating heart why don't cha?)

PS- I do realize my enthusiasm for these books will only lead to further drawing in an animated style. But following my heart - that's what I love, and publishing may or may not love back- but I will love what I do - and that is the raison d'etre, non?

PPSS- no new art at the moment- I'm actually writing -can you believe it?

Work In progress

Updated- working on background- common problem of mine. Character first- environment second- but, I'm getting better all the time!



I am having fun working on these. I have tried to loosen up A LOT - and I think it's paid off. Working with a critique or a conference or a meeting looming ahead can really bog one down. So- free to play- has paid off.

This is the 3rd in the "Legends of Love gone wrong" series. This is King Arthur.

(I decided to skip tristan and Isolde as the love triangle involved an old Uncle- yuck)

So King Arthur and the Tales of his glorious rise and glorious reign and equally glorious fall - He fell for Guinevere -laid his kingdom at her feet- offered her his heart to do with as she would. And she did- she stomped all over it and fell in love with Arthur's best friend- Lancelot. Poor Arthur so blind to it- right in front of his face. And the whole time Merlin knew. He could see the future and said nothing. He let poor Arthur's heart get broken. A spectacularly sad story - of the messiness of love.

(Merlin intentionally looks like a young Andy Rooney- wouldn't he be a good voice for an animated character?)

I will finish and post- needs some trees and flowers- romantic like stuff.

"Hark! What Brat in Yonder window breaks?"

So - a few years before their fateful meeting- Romeo strolls under a certain window and gazes up at an annoying - stupid - girl. If these two were like 13 in the real story- just three years earlier- they would have been seriously yucky to each other. As far as Romeo was concerned, Juliet had cooties .

I heard from no less than 5 people about how annoying these two literary characters are and how they'd just like to slap them. So- I drew them as the brats they were. They were pretty stupid. Ain't love grand?

If - Legendary

Heathcliff and Cathy- grew up to together on the Scottish moor. She enjoyed the chase a little too much- He lost his heart. Neither one could see the dark sky looming ahead.

I'm a dweeb for tragic romances. If there's a girl who loves a guy- but he never notices her- or- a guy who just can't get the girl to choose him over Mr. Wrong- I luv it. CS Lewis said the purist form of love is unrequited. -sigh.

Sad thing is Cathy dies - haunts poor Heathcliff with her "undying" love and drives the poor dude to kill himself. Then their spirits roam the moor for all eternity. It's 5 hanky stuff people! - Doesn't get better than that. I may take on Romeo and Juliet and Tristan and Isolde as kids too.

Happy St. Pat's

I may be as Irish as an O'Douls beer- but it's the 1 outta 5 ethnicities that showed up on my face. I've got the 60,000,000,000 freckles to prove it. Here's another dancer in time to celebrate the day we're all Irish. And let's all raise a glass that 2009 may be the year I finally get to Ireland! - the tartan - it's the one that belongs to my family from Tipperary.

Now where's my bottle of Jamesons' to toast the lot of ya that read this blog!?


'Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!'

Draw-ing on my childhood

There was a girl who liked to Roller Disco.
She'd roll around to beats that made her feet go.
Quite the rolla'; could Air chair -n- backwards skate;
Only Mom could get her to brake.
From dawn to dusk she'd shimmy down;
All the streets of Funky Town.

D'Uh-Oh! Ceasar's Salad!

We draped the model today- so I had fun with it.

IF- Intricate

I have not been doing as much with IF and my blog- so I just doodled this - maybe a series of dancers?

The topic is "Intricate"- so I thought of lace work- which made me think of Spanish lace -which made me look at mantillas which made think flamenco. It works for the movements of the dance as well.

Be it barenaked or not - it will be.

I've finally got a clear day to type out my thoughts on the cruise and the decision by Steven Page to leave BNL. With a week and a half passing- and my life's abundance of interesting events to deal with lately- I've mellowed into a place of calm anticipation of what may be- what may not.

I was not like this when I heard - I was pissed. I was not shocked- I was more -
" Dammit! I knew it!"

The Cruise:

First- I had a great time. I hung out with great friends and made some new ones. I enjoyed the new music and came away wanting to hear more from Sloan- the Weakerthans- Luke Doucet - Melissa McClellan - and maybe some Mountain Goats.

But I boarded that boat after almost canceling the cruise because of the loss of Guster and Steve's cocaine arrest. I felt my enthusiasm slide - but in the end- held on and got onboard.

After registration Leigh and I got on the escalator up to board.... the slow mechanical rise revealed a white suited - stingy brimmed - really slim -Steven Page. He was so white and with that mega watt smile- he was like a hipster Mr. Rourke "smiles everyone , Smiles!" He shook Leigh's hand and said 'Hey great to see you again " - and checked out the tee shirt I did for Leigh to wear. I stood about 10 feet away - and said nothing. - I get weirded out. I don't want to say something dumb - so I just don't say anything- I should have - oh well. - But I was struck at how different he looked. He's got a great face- really - no swooning here- I just like the way it's designed. I've always liked the straight against curves- it's a cartoonist thing... and now he was so straight. His nose - his eyes - his lips - were really standing out without the pudge. Good for him - just let me believe it's weight watchers - that's all I want to know about how he did it.

So - the ship was lovely - nicer than Carnival - lots of wood- which should be on every boat. I was now officially psyching up for this experience and needed it after the conference experience.

During the sail away show- I started to bounce- my version of concert dancing - and when Steve sang Duran Duran's Rio - I was in full Tigger mode. Really, I was 14 again. These are the moments that make me show up for BNL shows - when life disappears - and joy takes over - just joy - just music - just the moment exists - and song by song- moment by moment - I feel invigorated by their talents.

I'm gonna blow past some stuff- the food was fine - Sixthman did a good job this year - I only interacted with one BNL member -over pineapple- Kevin.

I went to all 3 BNL shows. Show 1 - was fun - I was bouncing- woo hoo-ing - as usual until-

it all went wrong.

In every BNL show there is a point when they sing "Pinch me"- - "I just made you say underwear.." - and panties fly- bras parachute down on the guys. Of-course the history of underwear being thrown at rock stars is well documented - but with BNL - it was so frickin funny. These guys are the cute geek boys next store- and the underwear being thrown by their geek next door fans- are size triple e cup bras and flamingo penis pants that wind up getting hung on a guitar end or worn over their clothes.

Tonight a single white panty floated from the 3rd row -from the one he loves, was picked up - sniffed - and declared "not fresh out of the package", by Steve. Silliness of wearing it under the glasses did nothing to undo it. You lost me at the panty sniffing.

How crazy right??? But in that panty moment I knew it would never be the same. For the band. For me as a fan. The rest of the cruise I was oogy and anxious about BNL. I lost that feeling in the other acts and the fun with friends- but was brought back to that undefinable feeling of - things have changed these past 3 years - and they're not gonna change back.

Show 2 - highlight was Fight the Power- haven't heard them do that in a decade. On fire- they were.
Boothby - funny british man.
Sean Cullen - my harmless crush - I crush him= and now crush his wife cause she can sing! - and to see him watch with such pride as his wife sang Led Zeppelin - I want them to adopt me.
The best musical moment on the cruise for me - Tyler singing "keep on rockin in the free world" - I could have hugged him.

Cozumel - was eh. We rented Jaime the death bug and drove around. I'm kinda sick of the Caribbean. I know- I'm jaded and spoiled - but it all looks the same.

Key West was cold!- but quaint and lovely- I want to go back.

Show 3 - was good. By this show- I was sad to watch them. I heard the music but didn't feel it. Call and Answer made so many cry- dedicated to the message-board fan who tragically died in a fire right before the cruise. I was unaware this would be the last song of BNL as I have known it. But it was a kind gesture for them to dedicate it and I hope it helped the friends of Skates.

I did not see the Vanity Projects show. I saw it on you tube after the fact.

I got off the boat and life hit me between the eyes- and being a Mom takes precedence over message-boards and muck raking. When I would poke in to post - and read- I didn't feel comfortable with some of the nastiness - but I did get the feeling many people noticed the weirdness.

Sitting under a palm tree 20 days later trying to get internet access I read the news that BNL mutually decided to part ways with Steven Page. Like I said- I was mad. Now I know -it was at the loss of my coping mechanism. Those moments of song - joy - are gone. I know, I know - the whole 4 guys will go on - Steve will make music - there just a band after all.. but string together those 20 years of moments and it's something to miss. and so I will miss it.

I'm no one to criticize a person's pursuit of artist fulfillment. I'm all for it. Who am I to judge love? Love can build great things - love can destroy. Love can cloud your judgment or make you see clearer than ever before. Love is the reason to be. So be.

I hope Steve finds what it is he's looking for. I hope when you do it was worth it all - the complete deconstructing of your world. I'm trying to hold on as a fan - the voice is still there- and the glasses- don't get lasik- PLEASE! - no more panty sniffing on stage - it would be my luck to decide to come see a show and that would happen.

I hope Ed. Jim, Kevin and Tyler go on to great things - they have the talent and the heart to do so.

I decided to draw them - "All went wrong" - I think is the title of the song- they sang a duet. It's like a twisted white panty valentine.

done for the show - will revisit

The show hangs tomorrow. It's at a gallery in Freeport- N.Y.. The opening is Friday Night.

I will do more of these in the future- the regency period- the 40-'s and 50's - maybe up thru the 60's .

one more to go... before framing

The show hangs tuesday - gotta print and frame tomorrow- but still have 1930 to go. I wanted a jazz baby/Josephine baker-ish lovely.

These are so silly- but I'm having fun doing them. I'm gonna put them up on Imagekind soon.

I plan on getting to the elephant in the room soon - the one that was on the cruise and left the band... after the art's hung - I'll hang with that crazy mishagosh.

Art Show next month

I have an art show next month. I think I'll do a few of these for it. The show is with an Art group I belong to "The Artists Mothers' Group" in Long Beach, NY. We are a diverse band of women who were once full time artists who now have 2 passions - our art and our kids. This is the tie that binds us together as we support each other in our pursuits. Sometimes it's life drawing - sometimes it's just coffee - sometimes it's a phone call - this time it's a show!

Book Review

My first book review. "Varmints" by Helen Ward - Illustrated by Marc Craste

Wow.

It's "Guess How much I Love" you meets "Blade Runner".

I may be a little late- as this book came out last year- but it's new to me. I love it. In recent years I have had the feeling of being whacked in the face with a frying pan of great art once before; when my daughter and I discovered Tony DiTerlizzi. Now- I've been whacked again - by Marc Craste. (animator)
The story- simple- pure- straight forward -but deep- tho not heavy handed. Save the environment. This generation is tuned in to that message very much.
The book designer deserves a lot of the credit- this book is gorg-e-ous. It has vellum! The publishers had such faith in it's uniqueness- they went all out. I love that it's soft cover- I love that it's one tiny fraction away from a comic book/graphic novel. When my 9 year old daughter saw it on the kitchen counter fresh out of the amazon envelope - her reaction was "That is -cooooool." See- 9 year olds like picture books- they are still young enough to thirst for the visual - I can't see a small child drawn to this as much. She was. She already asked if she could have it. I lose all my good books to her -we have to share.
This art is beautiful- rich- lush-saturated. Cinematic - "animated" - complicated -absolutely sings " make me move". And they did! Marc Craste made a 24 minute movie. Like the Eddie Money song goes;
"I think I'm in love."

See animated trailer HERE.

Book info HERE.

Time

So - drawing for fun - IF "Time " - The turn of the 19th - 20th Century. A time of great clothes. Also a time of transition for women. From coquette to suffragette - to vamp. There was still along way to go - but they did it with style.

These are all based on sketches from an old sketchbook. I had gone to the nassau county museum of art for a vintage clothing exhibit. Some are inspired by paintings- others were mannequins with the actual vintage garments on. This stuff thrills me. I was born way too late.

A big thanks..

I'm really touched that each one of you have taken the time to leave your thoughts here. I'm contemplating it all.

Anonymous #1 - I hear ya, but I also hear to do what you love- do what comes naturally- don't force a style. I love to draw. Collage would be forced. I love Eric Carle- I grew up on him and Brown Bear - was one of the first books I bought to raise my daughter on. I'm officially educating myself on Tomie dePaola- as he seems inescapable. If I do simplify- it will still be with a pencil.
Thanks Alicia,Jill,Sam(using my own words against me! - way to get me all teary) Aja, Sherry,Cyn,Becky and Jennifer- you all gave me such wonderful support.
Anonymous #2 - you do bottle that confidence and sell it, right?? Can I get it online?

Lewis -I should have drawn a picture of me flipping them the bird.

Gina- @ such an exciting/ tiring time- really- thanks for writing. I take what you say to heart - I'll keep scribbling along.

I don't know what the next step is- but I won't stand still for long. Gotta go with the flow of life or it'll run right over you.

Cruises and Critiques and the Crises that Follow....

Riding a roller coaster of emotions leads to that flip floppy feeling in the stomach - and the head.

The build up to the NY SCBWI Winter Conference was weeks- wait months of work - thinking, drawing, painting, printing, planning, hoping - visualizing..... psyching up - self examination - editing ... you get the picture.

At some point I took all of the art out of the portfolio. I laid it all out and said - take only the best, you don't need the rest.
I had pushed myself to do better - taken all of the critiques to heart - listen to suggestions. Incorporated Art Directors and editors comments into what I thought was a portfolio that completely represented me - as I am as an artist. I may always be a work in progress, but this portfolio was the culmination of a 38 year journey to where I am today. And I was proud of it. I was confident I had reached a level of accomplishment to stand strongly amongst the hundreds of peers in NYC that weekend.

Then the ground gave way beneath my firmly planted feet and I have slipped down into a spiral - a rabbit hole of self doubt and confusion and Wonder so profound ... I'm left thinking - what the hell do I do now?

It was the Panel Review. I think 200 illustrators submitted 3 pieces each to be projected up on a big screen and anonymously shown in front of a room of about 300 SCBWI members. Not everyone was picked - what the criteria was for being picked was never revealed. But a little tiny voice in my brain said- "you'll be picked..." Stupid little voice didn't say why....

We were told to "Not take it personally" That this is how they talk behind closed doors when looking at artists' work. Art flashed up- nice work - some stronger than others - but the 3 person panel had some comments I agreed with and some I thought were ludicrous. For the most part they pointed out weakness AND strengths for everyone- save one...

Me. Here's the experience -

"Tearing out the Artist's Heart, Stomping on it - Passing it around to be spit on - and then Shoving it back in - But don't take it personally"

(imagine it in slow motion-cause that's how it felt)

Flash- My art- quickly 1-2-3-back to one. Silence (maybe the worst thing they didn't say)"There is absolutely no market for this kind of work" "Feels dated- saw that 5 years ago" "Not too Disney-ish well maybe too Disney- I've seen them before" The 3rd is the strongest of the three- but there's no place for this in Children's Publishing" "If you want to do licensing- call me." (when hell freezes over) "This person obviously has a background in animation (give that little man a kewpie doll) -"Or likes animation - you can tell by how they draw" -silence again. -next artist.

The 3 pieces were the Cajun restaurant - the Beavers on the log - and the Hippo "Blue Lagoon". They are here on the blog- you can pause and review - now.

- I immediately realized that as anonymous as I was at this moment- come the portfolio room- review; I would cease to be. Thus started my anxiety ridden remainder of the NY SCBWI Winter conference -hurray! I swear the guy sitting to my left - stopped talking to me instantly- I had the wreak of uncoolness about me.

So- I sat thru the rest of the review- numb. Went thru the motions of the rest of the day- watched Jarrett Krosoczka's great video- wiping tears that should have been from laughter -but were from a feeling of being further away from his experience than ever before. - I wanted to go home- but had to stay to get my portfolio- meaning I had stand by it - touch it - acknowledge it was mine.

Remember- this was the portfolio I was so proud of 8 hours earlier on the LIRR.

I went into the room- walked straight over to "it"- but there were 2 people turning the pages- murmuring "Yeah- this was - the one..'..I walked the hell away from "it"- not wanting to hear them finish the sentence. I toured the room. I looked thru other books - some great- some wonderful- some so-so. And thought that book of mine- sitting in that far away corner - was like me in the 5th grade - full of qualities and potential that the idiots at the cool lunch table didn't care to know. And so I went over and scooped it up- packed it in it's soft padded protective sleeve along with my severely wounded self- and went home.

I did not want to go back the next day- but did. I walked out of my first break out- it was for YA fiction - I was not into politely sitting thru anything. The whole day was like a disconnection from Children's Publishing= listening to editors and art directors hearing in my head "yadda yadda yadda..." And watching those other faces in the chairs- so eager- enthusiastic- hopeful... the ones that rush the speakers at the end... shoving their work in the speaker's face... dropping their cards and hearts on the floor at the feet of the powers to be. - And I went to the final talk - wanting to go home.

It was Jay Asher- never heard of him. An author of a big new YA book "Thirteen Reasons Why". His talk was how to get published in 12 years or less- and then he removed the less. I bawled. bawled the whole talk about his journey- rejections- small triumphs- that mislead him that his time had come... opportunities that passed - agents that teased - publishers that said maybe - but maybe not. Until he reached the point of giving it all up. Driven to the ground by publishing - he had decided to throw in the towel. His wife convinced him to give it one more try - and it happened. He got published. Pushed to the point of self doubt - confusion and wonder at what the hell does he do now?- he did it.

And I cried. All the way to JFK. Where- I got on a plane to cruise with BNL. Which will be another post.

SCBWI- I think you are a wonderful organization. Filled with wonderful people. But this time- it did harm. I tried to not take it personally - really I did. I say put yourself in my shoes- see how you do with that...

So - Where am I today?? Home- not knowing what to draw, how to draw - deciding if I want to be published so bad that I get an extreme Artistic Makeover or if I hold on tight to who I am and steady myself for years of rejection and the possibility of never finding the holy Grail. Is the Quest Enough? All of those platitudes I've used for myself and my daughter aren't working right now... Is it really the journey?Not the destination? When you hear the same comments over and over and you usually tell yourself- if they don't like- someone else will... but start to realize - more don't like it than do... Is ignoring the signs just reallly really dumb and blind and deaf and idiotic?

I've got some serious mishagosh. And a whole lot of thinking to do.

Accentuate the positive? I try- but today... blech.

Today sucked. I have to process it- for if I write about it now... it won't be pretty.

Gina gave me an award tho! Thanks- lady about to have a baby! -Sending good baby vibes your way!

So tagged for 7 things I love;

1. My 9 year old daughter's singing voice- a natural-perfect pitch.
2. chocolate- but I also hate it- but I love it- and I hate it.
3. Cartoons
4. Disney - TAKE THAT! GD Panel review people!
5. Good drawing skills
6. Grand Central Station- I walked up into and stopped in my tracks and gawked. Stun-ning.
7. BNL- I will see them Sunday - I will raise a fruity drink and toast Gina - well woman wishes- on your new journey as a mother.

Graphic Novel Workshop

Friday's Illustrator intensive has a graphic novel workshop- I am very excited for this. we had to write 1/2 page or so from a childhood memory. So this is certified 100% true story :



Schnerrrg. Schnerrrg.

It’s so quiet, I can hear the dog snoring down the hall. Is that the dog? Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s an alien

coming to abduct my brother. I hope they take him and not the dog.

chtick. chtick. chtick..

Boy that clock is loud. I hate that clock - I wanted a Snoopy clock. Mom had to get Holly Hobbie. She

should put it in her room. I wonder what time it is. It’s really dark. All I can see is colored spots

in the dark. They kinda of look like...eyes. Red eyes. Like the Jersey Devil ..like in the movie at

school... jersey dev - I’ll close my eyes now... sleep ...sleep...sleep...

ka-thump. ka-thump. ka-thump.

What’s that?

ka thump. ka thump. ka thump. ka thump.

Foot steps! Big ones. Really big ones...... louder now, coming... from........ where?

Ka Thump. Ka Thump. Ka Thump.

Outside - down the block - near Jenny’s house. They’re big. Dinosaur big. Like on the Land of the Lost.

KA THUMP KA THUMP - Tyrannosaurus Rex!!! Blanket on head - Scotty Dog - you’re the look out!

KATHUMPKATHUMPKATHUMP!

UNDER THE BED - DOWN - DOWN - NOW NOW NOW!

don’t breathe -don’t move - it’s right outside the window and T Rex can see in the dark....... and sense movement.....

got too keep still........

Mom : “What are you doing under the bed? It’s time for school!”

I got a bad feeling about this...

It's done for now, I don't want to look at this anymore - I'll come back to it later after the conference.....

Spot Illo - when your kid says-" the characters don't look the same. Look at how her eyes are set.."- Either you must redraw or send your kid to their room. I redrew. This is the revision - still a little off? - Not much time left... gotta get stuff printed in the next 2 days.

Another One bites the Dust

Finished- and very happy with it. I'm going to do a spot with 2 of the same characters- back to work.

Blocking in color

trying to go softer - gotta get away from the "animated-still" look I get accused of... more "picture-booky.."

Sprinting to the finish...

I needed some pretty in my portfolio. Yes- I enjoy being a girl, but I tend towards the less frilly/soft side of art. Unless - I step back in time. I am a huge historic costume nut. Back in 7th grade I did a huge paper about the history of fashion for social studies - completely illustrated.I got an A - and I still have it. I should post some of my art from when i was a kid- it's good for a laugh.
If I can find the time- I'd like to do a series of illustrations of my favorite fashion eras. Today - if a dress is from a designers past season - they slap "vintage" on it. Drives me nuts. It should be like antiques - has to be older than 25 years old to be called vintage. - Wait.. that would make me a vintage antique..

BNL Cruising again...

A poster for the door - on the boat - on the sea - where we shall be come Feb 1st. Me and Hubby and the 5 guys who've been making good music for 20 years.

Inspired by the speech in Henry V = "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;..." - by Will Shakespeare

It is done. for now.

Got it in today to the SCBWI submission... I have no idea how many hours I worked on this. I may have slept 19 hours all week. -I still want to tweak it. But I'm pretty happy with it. 3 down - 3 to go before the conference...

Can I get it done by Friday???

Gotta get 4 hours of sleep.....

Work In progress - me, not the illo

1:00 am Monday night... or that would be Tuesday morning...

To draw the impossible illustration...

NYC- SCBWI Winter Conference - Illustration panel review- entry. If I get the color done by Jan. 2nd. If it doesn't kill me or - drive me insane.