"I am out with lanterns looking for myself"

Sometimes you have to scribble something down -fast - either before it leaves you or so that it will leave you alone.

I went to Emily Dickinson's house on Sunday. I do not claim to have more than an AP English high school knowledge of her poems - but I left with the complete works and a new found connection. 

This line "I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.." -  yes- yes I am. Trying to get a book done that I wrote and trying to make it right- and trying to communicate what's in my head feels like a search for myself. So a pause in the work to scribble today- so Emily can leave me alone for now... so I can finish. I hope to come back and do her some justice - want to paint some flame red hair...
This image has been in my head since Sunday- Emily out with her newfoundland, Carl,  at night.. searching... for what was missing for her...  her search was beautiful.

sharing is caring 99.999% of the time

Today- my kid went off to the mall- to shop for school shoes- wearing- my shoes.  For the last year my shoes are fair game as she is 10 and slightly taller than I am.  I share so much stuff with her- as long as she asks politely first. Hairbands - some costume jewelry.. and art supplies.  I have watched many a paint brush die an untimely death at the bottom of a jar as she tried to "wash it real good"; prismacolors- sharpened to nubs; watercolors- mixed in between the pots-ahhhhg.  My nice markers- strewn about no caps on!!! Almost more than an o.c.d Mom-artist can take. But I draw the line- at- my - vellum.  

Tuesday she had to make a bookmark about a book she read this summer. "Mom- what should I use- this sketch paper is too flimsy and I can't see thru it."

"Put it on the lightbox!"

- "Nah, how about........"

(and I turn around- knowing what she's about to say- fearing it......)

-Vellum?"(it's already in her hands!!!AHHG!)

(my inner Joan Crawford in check) -

"Tracing paper!!" "It's around here somewhere!!!!!!"- I tear apart the studio - find it- say "Go to town."

-sigh. Ahhh. Done with so little emotion- as to not alert her to the fabulousness of the vellum. That's it- that's where I draw the sharing line. My drawing vellum. It is off limits - I covet my drawing vellum.

She has a nice art life - being my daughter- so no sympathy for her. Some day she can buy her own vellum.


On a side note: I have a pal- who has a blog.(really? a blog?) yes- we all have them these days- but she's a prize so I think you should check it out.


The Mommy Chronicles