I've finally got a clear day to type out my thoughts on the cruise and the decision by Steven Page to leave BNL. With a week and a half passing- and my life's abundance of interesting events to deal with lately- I've mellowed into a place of calm anticipation of what may be- what may not.
I was not like this when I heard - I was pissed. I was not shocked- I was more -
" Dammit! I knew it!"
The Cruise:
First- I had a great time. I hung out with great friends and made some new ones. I enjoyed the new music and came away wanting to hear more from Sloan- the Weakerthans- Luke Doucet - Melissa McClellan - and maybe some Mountain Goats.
But I boarded that boat after almost canceling the cruise because of the loss of Guster and Steve's cocaine arrest. I felt my enthusiasm slide - but in the end- held on and got onboard.
After registration Leigh and I got on the escalator up to board.... the slow mechanical rise revealed a white suited - stingy brimmed - really slim -Steven Page. He was so white and with that mega watt smile- he was like a hipster Mr. Rourke "smiles everyone , Smiles!" He shook Leigh's hand and said 'Hey great to see you again " - and checked out the tee shirt I did for Leigh to wear. I stood about 10 feet away - and said nothing. - I get weirded out. I don't want to say something dumb - so I just don't say anything- I should have - oh well. - But I was struck at how different he looked. He's got a great face- really - no swooning here- I just like the way it's designed. I've always liked the straight against curves- it's a cartoonist thing... and now he was so straight. His nose - his eyes - his lips - were really standing out without the pudge. Good for him - just let me believe it's weight watchers - that's all I want to know about how he did it.
So - the ship was lovely - nicer than Carnival - lots of wood- which should be on every boat. I was now officially psyching up for this experience and needed it after the conference experience.
During the sail away show- I started to bounce- my version of concert dancing - and when Steve sang Duran Duran's Rio - I was in full Tigger mode. Really, I was 14 again. These are the moments that make me show up for BNL shows - when life disappears - and joy takes over - just joy - just music - just the moment exists - and song by song- moment by moment - I feel invigorated by their talents.
I'm gonna blow past some stuff- the food was fine - Sixthman did a good job this year - I only interacted with one BNL member -over pineapple- Kevin.
I went to all 3 BNL shows. Show 1 - was fun - I was bouncing- woo hoo-ing - as usual until-
it all went wrong.
In every BNL show there is a point when they sing "Pinch me"- - "I just made you say underwear.." - and panties fly- bras parachute down on the guys. Of-course the history of underwear being thrown at rock stars is well documented - but with BNL - it was so frickin funny. These guys are the cute geek boys next store- and the underwear being thrown by their geek next door fans- are size triple e cup bras and flamingo penis pants that wind up getting hung on a guitar end or worn over their clothes.
Tonight a single white panty floated from the 3rd row -from the one he loves, was picked up - sniffed - and declared "not fresh out of the package", by Steve. Silliness of wearing it under the glasses did nothing to undo it. You lost me at the panty sniffing.
How crazy right??? But in that panty moment I knew it would never be the same. For the band. For me as a fan. The rest of the cruise I was oogy and anxious about BNL. I lost that feeling in the other acts and the fun with friends- but was brought back to that undefinable feeling of - things have changed these past 3 years - and they're not gonna change back.
Show 2 - highlight was Fight the Power- haven't heard them do that in a decade. On fire- they were.
Boothby - funny british man.
Sean Cullen - my harmless crush - I crush him= and now crush his wife cause she can sing! - and to see him watch with such pride as his wife sang Led Zeppelin - I want them to adopt me.
The best musical moment on the cruise for me - Tyler singing "keep on rockin in the free world" - I could have hugged him.
Cozumel - was eh. We rented Jaime the death bug and drove around. I'm kinda sick of the Caribbean. I know- I'm jaded and spoiled - but it all looks the same.
Key West was cold!- but quaint and lovely- I want to go back.
Show 3 - was good. By this show- I was sad to watch them. I heard the music but didn't feel it. Call and Answer made so many cry- dedicated to the message-board fan who tragically died in a fire right before the cruise. I was unaware this would be the last song of BNL as I have known it. But it was a kind gesture for them to dedicate it and I hope it helped the friends of Skates.
I did not see the Vanity Projects show. I saw it on you tube after the fact.
I got off the boat and life hit me between the eyes- and being a Mom takes precedence over message-boards and muck raking. When I would poke in to post - and read- I didn't feel comfortable with some of the nastiness - but I did get the feeling many people noticed the weirdness.
Sitting under a palm tree 20 days later trying to get internet access I read the news that BNL mutually decided to part ways with Steven Page. Like I said- I was mad. Now I know -it was at the loss of my coping mechanism. Those moments of song - joy - are gone. I know, I know - the whole 4 guys will go on - Steve will make music - there just a band after all.. but string together those 20 years of moments and it's something to miss. and so I will miss it.
I'm no one to criticize a person's pursuit of artist fulfillment. I'm all for it. Who am I to judge love? Love can build great things - love can destroy. Love can cloud your judgment or make you see clearer than ever before. Love is the reason to be. So be.
I hope Steve finds what it is he's looking for. I hope when you do it was worth it all - the complete deconstructing of your world. I'm trying to hold on as a fan - the voice is still there- and the glasses- don't get lasik- PLEASE! - no more panty sniffing on stage - it would be my luck to decide to come see a show and that would happen.
I hope Ed. Jim, Kevin and Tyler go on to great things - they have the talent and the heart to do so.
I decided to draw them - "All went wrong" - I think is the title of the song- they sang a duet. It's like a twisted white panty valentine.
13 comments:
You can either edit this down to what you want it to say or not use it or whatever, cuz this is kind of a novel...
I kept thinking it was going to be a giant april fools joke, what with them going back in the studio in April and all. Having read this, the only extended account of the goings on on the cruise i've been interested in, I can see that it's not. When I read the news last week it felt like someone hit me in the side of the head with a bat. I dont usually get that effect from reading bad news on the internet. The couch literally tilted and i was retisent to move for falling off. After a couple days I went to Youtube and watched Jian's interview with him on Q. It made me feel a little less like punching him. I'm not looking forward to the first couple shows back. I think it will evolve into a completely different band, but it needs to move through an awkward bad couple of months, and i'm not looking forward to that.
All that aside, I just wanted to say how awesome i think this drawing is. The lines are great, the hands. The line on the outside of her leg down to the foot is my favorite i think.
Thank you for this blog entry. It says so much of what I felt on the cruise.
And I LOVE the drawing! I wanted to ask your permission to copy it onto my desktop background. If not, that's OK - I'll come back here and admire it. :)
It really is a great picture. I love it!!
The panty thing was a bit much - and got to witness it from the front row (ick).
I'm finally getting to the point where it is just a great bunch of memories for me. The three cruises have been awesome, and four years ago I never would have imagined there were still unexpected amazing times ahead with BNL. So now I'm just waiting for the unexpected things to come!
Excellent blog entry, Kelly. You really summed up how I was feeling; I thought something was wrong because I kept picking up a negative vibe while everyone else was saying things were great.
I kept hearing Ed use the word compassionate about the decision - and that sounded odd to me. But you remember that old saying from 70's bumper stickers -"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. " -
explained by an expert: We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves.
explained by me: In a cheesy "Loves' Baby Soft" kinda way - I understand. Steve's gotta do what he needs to - ya get only one turn in this game of life.
Some of us will find him again in his new music - and he'll find the relationship with his fans again.
Great blog... I didn't realize the panties were hers, from the angle I was sitting I couldn't have seen that. My "wtf?" moments were... at the TVP show when he pulled her up on stage to sing... when they started singing without Steve at the cover's show... and when they took the bow at the end. I had this strong nagging feeling that something bigger just happened than it had appeared.
There are a couple of images of the final bow moment online somewhere, but you can tell from last year's final bow and this year's actual final bow the difference in expressions on Ed's face in particular - as if he just lost someone...it's bad enough he lost his mom to cancer in December but to have THIS happen too. I feel for the man.
Now about your picture. ROTFLOL. I like the the little detail you did with the panties! What I sort of noticed, too, was the Tattoos looking less detailed than what you normally do. This isn't in any way a smack on your attention to detail by any means, no no no. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it just seems to me that your vision of her comes through as "sketchy" on purpose. Am i close here?
Anyway, I've saved this image in my "Kelly" folder for my personal gallery in my future studio in our future home (we move next month, YAY!)
Lewis- I just don't know what all of the tattoos look like. I think she's interesting -looking and otherwise. I'm all about the not judging these days... live and let live.
You amaze and entertain and educate me, Kelly....
beauuuuutiful.
Susan
We wish the best for Steve, but OMG can he pick a woman next time and one that's not from the bottom of the PIT who will not take him down further? Love? Oh Please! I am a huge fan of his...he transports me to a new dimension when he sings but, she did all she could to distroy this experience for all. It was obviouse she wanted to be the center of attention and his best interest is not necessarily hers! I'm sure she has him convinced otherwise as clearly he's not the most secure man in the world. Your art is telling and your words are very true (tripple dipper). At the end, we're just fans of thier talents... but after years of appreciating thier work, one can't help but feel a part it all. Its not that we don't like the girl friend, it's that as outsiders, we see how she's influencing his life towards a bigger spiral. This has nothing to do with the break up...just seeing them together, while he's on stage and on the cruise together.. the head games she was playing was beyond immature. It seems extreemly disfunctional and teenage. Eitherway, I hope I'm wrong, I hope Steve is happy and does well. We will still go see him tour as we will BnL.
Kelly, you have an amazing talent, as we've all told you many times, but you also summed up what a fair number of us were feeling on and after the cruise as well. The drawing of "When It All Went Wrong" is priceless. Very fitting. Thanks for sharing.
EGP
Kelly- You did an unbelievable job of describing how alot of us felt about the BNL break-up.My husband and I were on Ships and Dip 1,3 and 5 and had a wonderful time meeting new friends and hanging out with old ones.
I will miss the future cruises with the old BNL, and even though the remaining members of my favorite band will go on it just doesn't feel the same. I wish them all the best and know they'll do great.
Thanks for putting so many feelings into words for me..You said it all..
( I was also wondering where the white panties came from..lol)
I took my son on S & D III for his 13th birthday. It was great. We had a wonderful time. It was a singular experience, for which we are both grateful. Guitar Hero on your 13th B'day with Ed Robertson? Srsly?
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